Each Sunday, we sat there in church with the lifting of holy hands, and crying out "Abba father." Yet she was in a sanctuary filled with nothing but lies. The down-low lifestyles. She was living with a man who was fighting his own demons and using the church as a cover. It wasn't just the undercover, but the betrayal. They all knew-the whispering, the silence. This memoir is a step-by-step account of how she found the strength to walk away and uncover the truth.

She thought the church was her safe place, the one place where truth, love, and protection still existed, but behind the smiles, prayers, and holy words were secrets no one wanted exposed. When Carien finally begins to uncover the truth about the life she was living, she must decide whether to stay silent like everyone expected--or risk everything by revealing the betrayal that almost destroyed her.

Torn between the gospel she was taught and the hypocrisy she was forced to witness. Internalizing the blame and feeling unable to share the truth with outsiders and fellow believers. What happens when the community you trusted the most becomes the source of your deepest heartbreak? She's internally resilient, something she develops as a child from having to endure all the traumas that came with her childhood. This helps her to refocus and draw from that same strength. She loves the lord with all her heart. She has a personal relationship with him. He lives inside of her; she carries him wherever she goes, but what if her ministry is not behind the four walls? What if it is on the outside?